It's oh so quiet.

I'm in love with this photo i took, i don't know why. Oh well trial and error. Still learning on how to improvise my photography skills. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it'll get better.

Might just look ordinary to you :{

Picturesque.

1st picture. Hmmm, should i get it or should i find for another one?
2nd picture. Yayyyy i think i'm gonna get this, such a cute camera

Okay what happened on that day was, i went to Low Yat to get my pink lappie fixed. While waiting i went to survey DSLR cameras. Just for fun. I came across this white Pentax, i fell inlove! I told the sales person to convince daddy that it was a good camera, so i called daddy to come over. "Daddyyy, kakak kena beli camera for photography class". Yeah our perfectionist photography lecturer insisted everyone to have their own DSLR cameras. If you don't have one, get one he says. Even digital cameras aren't acceptable. Daddy agreed but then he didn't want me to use Nikon, he's scared if i got it confused with my other studiomates cause most of them use Nikon. -_- He asked me to take Olympus, eee no no no it's bulky and ugly. HAHA. I didn't care much about the photography feature/capability of the camera cause i wasn't really interested in photography. Took my lappie, and then tadaaaa da da da a pink pentax on the table. I fell head over heels in love (okay over haaha). My favourite thing was that it has a toy camera function and other enticing digital filters. Ka ching ching it's mine, Barbie <3

So heh i am now interested in photography, it's just that i am too lazy. A very well known sloth, i am. Going out, exploring the world with my camera needs a lot of diligence. Haihh maybe later, i want someone to teach me. Just don't be like my lecturer who scrutinizes on every single detail. Well atleast i still get quite satisfying results for this subject. Guide me, please? :)

Flying dreams turned to building dreams.

You see, i was always so unsure about what i was going to be as a child.

I had a dream, in fact a lot of dreams but it often change. Looking back into my childhood makes me wonder how i could’ve been where i am right now. I wasn’t the typical kid who had the ambition of being a doctor. Firstly, i would like to be an excellent lawyer. Who doesn’t want to be like their daddy when they were little. The role model material. It saddens me to see that no one in my family wants to read law in the future, who is going to run daddy’s firm? Oh well, who am i to judge. My brothers and sister are still young, they could possibly change their mind at any time. My head is currently a horrible place to be, over thinking stuff.

This is what i fill in for my ambition for my primary school’s personal file; fashion designer + fashion model. Oh okay 2 in 1! Haha. Fashion might not be my strength but i just like the idea of creating something new for masses. As for being a model, i was definitely influenced by the media. Looking at beautiful models was something i couldn’t resist. It was sort of the beauty you feel so deeply it becomes contagious and somehow makes you feel beautiful too. That’s my point of perceptive in this matter, back then. Things totally differs now, when i see beautiful people around me. It makes me down and full of envious feelings. Green with envy. Why can’t i be like them? “Lydia, bersyukur!”. To make myself feel better, nothing will ever be close enough to perfection in life. Models might have the looks but they don’t have the brains, so why pursue in a field that would be a waste. Allah S.W.T has given you brains, use it wisely and accordingly. I just can’t see how it can be a full time job, it’s okay if you do it just for the fun of it, as a part time job that is. For this industry in Malaysia. No, not underestimating. Opinions differ.

In high school, pilot and architect. But i was more keen to do piloting. Thinking of how it faultlessly suits me, i did some research on it. My dream was to fly. Fly a plane. Finally stopped thinking the positive side of it, i wrote down the consequences of being one. As well for an architect. After doing lots of thinking, the building dreams was a substitute for my flying dreams. When i applied for UPU, top 3 choices were all headed to the architecture field (engineering sesat from #4 onwards). I knew that i was going to apply for that as i’ve taken Visual Art as a back up for when i’m going to apply for any architectural programmes.

How i got interested with architecture? When i go somewhere, my eyes are always attracted to buildings. Loved watching shows on architecture, loved playing the Sims, loved the idea of generating creativity into buildings. Reflecting oneself. One thing lacks though, i didn’t own sketch books when i was young. Scribbling, doodling stuff for fun. Only when i felt like doing it, i’d grab an A4 paper. Drawing wasn’t my speciality as i didn’t practice much from a young age. With just believing in myself, i tried my best. It was hard for me when we were asked to draw, i didn’t like being asked to do something in a hurry.

At the end of my interview for Bachelors of Science in Architecture, the female interviewer said

“I hope to see your smile for the next 4 years. ” Wonder wonder. Someone believed in me. I got accepted.

Things were off track when i was in my first semester. The need to score wasn’t in my mind, so what i did the whole semester was be lazy and procrastinate. The end result disappoints me and i don’t ever wish to squander with my foolish manners ever again. Drawing human figure was my weakness. I had to learn everything myself. Was used to being spoon fed, i liked it more when i have guidance. Like how we are used to in high school. University was undeniably different, much different. As for my programme, it’s a degree. Everything wasn’t on my side, it was just difficult to adapt. It was also my first time being away from home. In Perak. I am proud to say that i am now an independent girl.

My course is really fun, we always go for sketching trips out of Perak. Drawing buildings was my favourite, i like it more when it’s detailed. Very detailed, very me. The fundamental nature of structures. The core of design. The essence of giving people what they need, comfort and functionality but with an edge. My second semester was one of those uncommon moments. Those times when you don't wish for something else. For even one thing to be different. When you have no other needs and no worries. Where your insides are calm with the path you’ve chosen. It was one of those uncommon moments where i think i’ve finally found something suitable for me. I gotta tell you, i am more hard working than ever now. Compared to high school.

Here’s a piece of advice; Believe you deserve everything you dream about and you’ll surely value yourself. If you expect terrible things, then they don't surprise you. Believe in yourself, passion is important. Let’s just see where this will lead me. The future scares me but i definitely focus on what’s presence. It shapens our future.

Enthusiastic dreamer.

What type of personality am i? I got, The Idealist

You are a creative person with a great imagination. You enjoy living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close to you.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. (AHHH SO ME!)
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

Everything stated above very much sounds like me :)

Why do i say that? My friends tell me that i'm creative, i don't know about that but one thing's for sure is that i devote myself to imagination haha. Day dreamer. Wild imaginations, i tell you. Not in a dirty sense for sure. Oh yes i’m such a hippie on that one, harmony is what i seek for among my loved ones. I will only open myself to people who i think i’m comfortable with. If not, i can be friendly but the wouldn’t stand a chance to be close to me. High unrealistic standards, for love, haha i should blog about that someday. Dream on little miss old school-ed at heart.

Automobile.

I finally get to drive daddy's baby Alfa yesterday, finally! I had to because mummy was in no mood to drive so yeah i took over the wheels. Liked this car's steering better, it has a sporty feel to it. Daytona-like! Haha. Didn't like the fact that the car is lowered, it feels as if i didn't get a clear view of the world with the tiny windows. & i can't speed at bumpers like how i always do ngehehe. But from my experience, i would very much prefer driving a huge car cause it makes me feel safe and i started driving using them. So, i got comfortable with it already. Still, even comfortable, there was still a few minor errors i've made along the way. Hahaa look at the scars i left on it's body, aww i'm sorry. Mummy said, "alaaa guna marker tutup the scratches, senang". -__-

Other than that, another epic failure was when i reversed the car infront of my house. Estimation wasn't precise and boom! I hit the gate, the rear bumper was dented. No joke. Calling mummy, "mummy turun sekarang!". She said nothing, as usual she's very redha one. Then i remembered the science of rubbers that are used, it will eventually expand back when there is enough heat. So yeah pooffff, it was back to normal in the morning. Lucky me!

Recherché.

I just took a personality test on blogthings.com

Here's my result for the quiz,

"How rare is your personality"

Your personality is very rare!

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. (True! But elegant?)

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men. You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

http://blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/ - take the test! :)

Notebooks, letters to myself.

Nostalgic sentiment.

At such tender age and what happens next,

1. I drink from the bottle until i was 7!

It was a habit of mine to lay down (to hide LOL) at the back of the car while gulping on milk, before mummy drops me off to school. No, not cow’s milk. I drank soya ever since i was little, no wonder it’s my favourite until now.

2. I tried to speak in English as much as i could.

I was always exaggerating my words. It wasn’t good, i was a boaster bahaha. Like literally. “Budget gila”. Whenever mummy or daddy records a video of me, i’ll be talking English like a show off. I even call them mother and father when the video is on recording, in British accent. Yes, a bit over eh? The most unforgettable thing is that i create my own words just to scare off my little brothers and sister haha, it’s a way that i curse. For instance, ‘zumberianzation betul’ or or ‘puttyremnisiful lah korang ni!’ and so on. So automatically their mind says “OMG KAKAK SO MAAAD”. Old bossy days. I very much prefer to type in English cause my vocab in BM is not that wide, i grew up talking in English comfortably with daddy.

3. I dance in front of the TV like no one’s looking.

Everyday, i turn on MTV right after i get into the house after a day done with school. My favourite was Britney Spears and Spice Girls! My favourite emo song would have to be “mamaaaa, i loveee you”. I would skip lunch just to watch their music video on MTV. That was the age where i started to buy albums and sort. I knew one day i had to go for dancing classes, but i still haven’t till today. End up i turned to singing. I loveeee to sing.

4. I like to wrestle on bed.

Why on bed? Makes me feel like i’m on the arena LOL. I lost 2 of my teeth due to this. People might look at my exterior as a feminine looking girl, but actually i’m up for rough and tough stuff. Surprisingly, i have the strength. I was the yellow power ranger in kindergarten. Until now i have the habit of hurting people, not in the sense of breaking their heart. I meant like giving them the pleasure of pain at their body. Well pain is a pleasure for me, i like how it feels. Pinching, slapping and punching. Only with my closed ones though. They know how aggressive i can be.

5. I never liked to read.

Here’s a funny story mummy told me. She said that i couldn’t read when i was in kindergarten, but then my teacher said that i could so they set up a meeting where my mummy has to see me read with her own eyes. What happened was, i read fluently. Then mummy asked the teacher to take another book, epic failure i couldn’t read a thing. So yeah i was actually memorizing what the story was when it was read by my teacher. I can read nowww laaa. But still hate it! The encyclopaedia books daddy bought me, i’ve only started reading the first one now (still haven’t finished) General knowledge is important, Lydia! That’s why i suck real bad in history, my subjenemy (subject enemy ngahaa).

6. I was never a fan of cats.

You see when i was around 4 or 5, i thought cats were just like lizards. So i end up pulling the cat’s tail, waiting to see when it’ll finally be unattached to it’s body but still moving. But even before i could see that in reality, it bit my thumb! My bleeding was indescribable. Just a lot. Luckily my thumb was still there haha. So yeah, from that day onwards we were rivals. Needless to say, i got scared of them. Plus, i’m also allergic to them. That’s a good reason for not being all silly cuddly wuddly with them.

7. I was not born a genius.

I worked hard till where i am now. I was not the kind of girl who was in smart classes as a child. I always, always failed Bahasa Melayu, Mathematics and other subjects in primary school. Then mummy registered me for mental arithmetic classes, i started to like numbers and i got 99% for UPSR trials. Was also the fastest to finish the multiplication table. End up with only 4As for UPSR. And there again, i worked for it. Even in high school, i was the least smartest in my circle. I’m the kind who focuses in class and never touch it again after that, the best thing is that i pick up fast. I lacked a lot during PMR, didn’t even read. That’s why i got A only for subjects that doesn’t need much reading; English, Science and Mathematics. Sad, 3As. And again lowest among my friends. I cried, mummy said okay what for a girl who doesn’t read. Then comes SPM, i made it into sub science class. I didn’t liked accounts but mummy thought why waste my math skills. Just to favour her, i took it. Form 4, additional mathematics was a pain in the *ss. Fail fail fail. So i started taking tuition classes in Form 5. My add maths teacher hated me! I was the noisy ketua kelas, exercise books all empty. She often ask me to sit at the back of the class. At last, she saw potential when i aced my trial paper. She signed my paper, yes sign! Cause she was leaving the school haha, and she said she have faith in me of being the only one to get an A in the class. I was like okay. Finally proved her wrong. So yeah i managed to get 6As for SPM, i actually wanted more cause i got 6As for trials. But what the heck i was over the moon kinda happy for myself. I worked myself up the ladders, i climbed slowly. Imma stop here at lucky #7.

This is just a reminder to myself, do not change who you truly are. Who you really are will always stick in your heart. You bring it everywhere, showcasing to the world of who your real self is. Do not fake it. And if you’re not good enough, as for me not smart enough, try harder and work for it. You will definitely be satisfied with the end result, being rewarded for the well done efforts. Look where i am now, i am a happy girl who is studying architecture. :)

Motivate yourself.

Shhh-ecret!

I haven't told anyone about this blog, i would rather stay reserved. This is just a personal space where i can write my heart out.

Sweet catastrophe.

Terang!

How time has flew. It was 2 months ago when i’ve attended this phenomenal event. It totally gave me a new direction to architecture. A new breath. I was more determined of myself, trying to be the best i can when a golden opportunity is given. The fact that i kind of screw the chance made me furiously mad at myself. How could i not appreciate it when it is right in front of my eyes.

Simply said, i wasn’t my real self for a very uneasy long while. I couldn’t really blame myself. I couldn’t really put the blame on anyone. It was just a matter of time to finally have my very first breakdown, after being strong throughout my 18 years of life with the challenges i’ve faced. This by far was the hardest, as i had kept everything and it grew to something bigger. Having to take no action. The courage to tell someone about it makes matters worse. Facing things alone was not the best option.

I had to reconcile with my heart. With how i blew up my chance. The state where i could’ve been more tranquil and probable. Pathetic. I was. It saddens me but what do they say, have no regrets and keep moving forward in life. When life gives you lemon, you make lemonades J

I’ve always been this optimistic girl, always. With such heartless heart, that can wander out of space. As far as imaginable. Not giving me the tendency of getting things into my nerve. But that suddenly changed and it knocked me off my feet at a totally wrong moment in time. At the wrong occasion. Lesson learned. Now i know that i have to face difficulties with such grace and i should not keep it to myself. Yes i can be quite a good listener but i am very secretive when it comes to myself.

Thank you for those who stood by me. May Allah S.W.T bless you. Those were the times where i knew who my real friends are. Those who truly care, who worries for the right reason, who lends you a shoulder to cry on, who has been there through everything. The other important person i’ve got to thank would have to be my darling Mummy, the queen of my heart. All is full of love. And so, I’ve overcomed.

Now let us be grateful to people who makes us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Hoppípolla.

Let me tell you about me :}

I'm AMBITIOUS,

I'll do what it takes to make it on top. I have a big dream, and i hope it comes true. But i will definitely put a lot of effort to make it happen. Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Who knows where life will take you?

I'm CARING,

I care about people too much that i forget about myself sometimes. But it’s okay i don’t have any problem with that. In every life we have some trouble, when you worry you make it double. So i’ll always lend a hand to help those problems from multiplying.

I’m DOGMATIC,

That’s not a good thing, but i always want people to go with my idea. Haha jahat i know. I want them to accept my idea, even with no discussions. Cehhh not that bad la ;p

I’m FICKLE MINDED,

I can’t stick to one thought. I am so unpredictable, i can change my mind in seconds. Even the wrong seems too right.

I’m LOYAL,

My family and my friends are my main priorities. I stand by them no matter what. Being loyal doesn’t only mean to be faithful with your boyfriend. Not all boys are trustworthy. Sometimes you gotta learn to love what’s good for you.

I’m a PERFECTIONIST,

I have so many pet peeves, not everyone can stand me hehe. My friends call me Miss Songeh, i am so scrutiny about every single thing. There’s no such thing as perfection but i’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

I’m SCATTER-BRAINED,

My memory is so so ridiculously bad, it’s like i have Dementia haha. I often forget things. I so do not notice the world around me, haha.

I’m SINCERE & VERY HONEST,

Fake is not in my dictionary. I seldom lie, i only do it for fun then i tell them that i was just joking around. I am very straight forward, but my friends always appreciate my advice. There shouldn’t be levels of honesty. Just honesty.

I’m VOLATILE,

I sometimes think that i resemble Dr. Jackall and Mr. Hyde, haha not in a bad way! It’s just that, i quickly change my mood. I get down easily, but i believe that life is about being strong when everyone expects me to be weak.

Last but not least, i am very very WEIRD :)