Self-reliant.

I shouldn't depend on people.

Photo: Something simple i did a long time ago.

Not a fairytale beginning.

A week has passed since i’ve started my third semester. How fast can time fly? It was just 4 months ago when i had my long semester break.

Oh well, hello third semester. A rough start it has been. With the application being rejected by the college management unit, with assignments half done, with such hopeless anticipation.

Choked with words. I’ve been through it and i believe that everybody has to get a taste of what challenge is like in life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a major problem or just a simple minor problem. Life goes on and i’m starting to learn more about responsibility. Living on your own is not the easiest thing, having to do everything by one self is not what i imagine i’d be doing in such short notice. I was pretty much spoon fed since i was little. Independently, i learned. I am the kind of girl who observes the surrounding and learn my lesson from it. Experience does make a clear difference.

The message i’m trying to convey is that you should never give up when something blocks your way. You should take the courage to move forward and get through the obstacle faced.

Dream a little dream. Believe in yourself.

Photo: This is basically what i've done for the past 4 months. How unproductive.

It's oh so quiet.

I'm in love with this photo i took, i don't know why. Oh well trial and error. Still learning on how to improvise my photography skills. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it'll get better.

Might just look ordinary to you :{

Picturesque.

1st picture. Hmmm, should i get it or should i find for another one?
2nd picture. Yayyyy i think i'm gonna get this, such a cute camera

Okay what happened on that day was, i went to Low Yat to get my pink lappie fixed. While waiting i went to survey DSLR cameras. Just for fun. I came across this white Pentax, i fell inlove! I told the sales person to convince daddy that it was a good camera, so i called daddy to come over. "Daddyyy, kakak kena beli camera for photography class". Yeah our perfectionist photography lecturer insisted everyone to have their own DSLR cameras. If you don't have one, get one he says. Even digital cameras aren't acceptable. Daddy agreed but then he didn't want me to use Nikon, he's scared if i got it confused with my other studiomates cause most of them use Nikon. -_- He asked me to take Olympus, eee no no no it's bulky and ugly. HAHA. I didn't care much about the photography feature/capability of the camera cause i wasn't really interested in photography. Took my lappie, and then tadaaaa da da da a pink pentax on the table. I fell head over heels in love (okay over haaha). My favourite thing was that it has a toy camera function and other enticing digital filters. Ka ching ching it's mine, Barbie <3

So heh i am now interested in photography, it's just that i am too lazy. A very well known sloth, i am. Going out, exploring the world with my camera needs a lot of diligence. Haihh maybe later, i want someone to teach me. Just don't be like my lecturer who scrutinizes on every single detail. Well atleast i still get quite satisfying results for this subject. Guide me, please? :)

Flying dreams turned to building dreams.

You see, i was always so unsure about what i was going to be as a child.

I had a dream, in fact a lot of dreams but it often change. Looking back into my childhood makes me wonder how i could’ve been where i am right now. I wasn’t the typical kid who had the ambition of being a doctor. Firstly, i would like to be an excellent lawyer. Who doesn’t want to be like their daddy when they were little. The role model material. It saddens me to see that no one in my family wants to read law in the future, who is going to run daddy’s firm? Oh well, who am i to judge. My brothers and sister are still young, they could possibly change their mind at any time. My head is currently a horrible place to be, over thinking stuff.

This is what i fill in for my ambition for my primary school’s personal file; fashion designer + fashion model. Oh okay 2 in 1! Haha. Fashion might not be my strength but i just like the idea of creating something new for masses. As for being a model, i was definitely influenced by the media. Looking at beautiful models was something i couldn’t resist. It was sort of the beauty you feel so deeply it becomes contagious and somehow makes you feel beautiful too. That’s my point of perceptive in this matter, back then. Things totally differs now, when i see beautiful people around me. It makes me down and full of envious feelings. Green with envy. Why can’t i be like them? “Lydia, bersyukur!”. To make myself feel better, nothing will ever be close enough to perfection in life. Models might have the looks but they don’t have the brains, so why pursue in a field that would be a waste. Allah S.W.T has given you brains, use it wisely and accordingly. I just can’t see how it can be a full time job, it’s okay if you do it just for the fun of it, as a part time job that is. For this industry in Malaysia. No, not underestimating. Opinions differ.

In high school, pilot and architect. But i was more keen to do piloting. Thinking of how it faultlessly suits me, i did some research on it. My dream was to fly. Fly a plane. Finally stopped thinking the positive side of it, i wrote down the consequences of being one. As well for an architect. After doing lots of thinking, the building dreams was a substitute for my flying dreams. When i applied for UPU, top 3 choices were all headed to the architecture field (engineering sesat from #4 onwards). I knew that i was going to apply for that as i’ve taken Visual Art as a back up for when i’m going to apply for any architectural programmes.

How i got interested with architecture? When i go somewhere, my eyes are always attracted to buildings. Loved watching shows on architecture, loved playing the Sims, loved the idea of generating creativity into buildings. Reflecting oneself. One thing lacks though, i didn’t own sketch books when i was young. Scribbling, doodling stuff for fun. Only when i felt like doing it, i’d grab an A4 paper. Drawing wasn’t my speciality as i didn’t practice much from a young age. With just believing in myself, i tried my best. It was hard for me when we were asked to draw, i didn’t like being asked to do something in a hurry.

At the end of my interview for Bachelors of Science in Architecture, the female interviewer said

“I hope to see your smile for the next 4 years. ” Wonder wonder. Someone believed in me. I got accepted.

Things were off track when i was in my first semester. The need to score wasn’t in my mind, so what i did the whole semester was be lazy and procrastinate. The end result disappoints me and i don’t ever wish to squander with my foolish manners ever again. Drawing human figure was my weakness. I had to learn everything myself. Was used to being spoon fed, i liked it more when i have guidance. Like how we are used to in high school. University was undeniably different, much different. As for my programme, it’s a degree. Everything wasn’t on my side, it was just difficult to adapt. It was also my first time being away from home. In Perak. I am proud to say that i am now an independent girl.

My course is really fun, we always go for sketching trips out of Perak. Drawing buildings was my favourite, i like it more when it’s detailed. Very detailed, very me. The fundamental nature of structures. The core of design. The essence of giving people what they need, comfort and functionality but with an edge. My second semester was one of those uncommon moments. Those times when you don't wish for something else. For even one thing to be different. When you have no other needs and no worries. Where your insides are calm with the path you’ve chosen. It was one of those uncommon moments where i think i’ve finally found something suitable for me. I gotta tell you, i am more hard working than ever now. Compared to high school.

Here’s a piece of advice; Believe you deserve everything you dream about and you’ll surely value yourself. If you expect terrible things, then they don't surprise you. Believe in yourself, passion is important. Let’s just see where this will lead me. The future scares me but i definitely focus on what’s presence. It shapens our future.

Enthusiastic dreamer.

What type of personality am i? I got, The Idealist

You are a creative person with a great imagination. You enjoy living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close to you.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. (AHHH SO ME!)
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

Everything stated above very much sounds like me :)

Why do i say that? My friends tell me that i'm creative, i don't know about that but one thing's for sure is that i devote myself to imagination haha. Day dreamer. Wild imaginations, i tell you. Not in a dirty sense for sure. Oh yes i’m such a hippie on that one, harmony is what i seek for among my loved ones. I will only open myself to people who i think i’m comfortable with. If not, i can be friendly but the wouldn’t stand a chance to be close to me. High unrealistic standards, for love, haha i should blog about that someday. Dream on little miss old school-ed at heart.

Automobile.

I finally get to drive daddy's baby Alfa yesterday, finally! I had to because mummy was in no mood to drive so yeah i took over the wheels. Liked this car's steering better, it has a sporty feel to it. Daytona-like! Haha. Didn't like the fact that the car is lowered, it feels as if i didn't get a clear view of the world with the tiny windows. & i can't speed at bumpers like how i always do ngehehe. But from my experience, i would very much prefer driving a huge car cause it makes me feel safe and i started driving using them. So, i got comfortable with it already. Still, even comfortable, there was still a few minor errors i've made along the way. Hahaa look at the scars i left on it's body, aww i'm sorry. Mummy said, "alaaa guna marker tutup the scratches, senang". -__-

Other than that, another epic failure was when i reversed the car infront of my house. Estimation wasn't precise and boom! I hit the gate, the rear bumper was dented. No joke. Calling mummy, "mummy turun sekarang!". She said nothing, as usual she's very redha one. Then i remembered the science of rubbers that are used, it will eventually expand back when there is enough heat. So yeah pooffff, it was back to normal in the morning. Lucky me!